I feel left out.
I feel like the world just zoomed in on me. Here I am with my savings still invested in dollars or ridiculously boring bonds and everyone else getting rich by investing in safe and anonymous digital currencies. I don’t even know how to buy one or several.
I thought about mining cryptocurrencies to enter the market. It was later found that not only would you need a bank of very expensive computers for that, but these computers use a lot of power. My barn has solar panels, and I’d be daunted if I was going to waste all my clean electricity trying to find the magic formula to turn it into Bitcoin.
So I decided to establish a safe, highly limited, unhackable and environmentally friendly cryptocurrency. I’m going to call it shtcoin.
Currency is determined by how many times per day our dogs poop in our yard. I have a French Bulldog that weighs 27 pounds and a Cane Corso that weighs 125 pounds. As you can imagine, the volume varies quite a bit from dog to dog. French bulldog poop is 1 sitcoin and cane corso is 5 sitcoins. Sell this cryptocurrency at $100 per coin. My dog poops in the yard about 2 times a day, so for Teddy he gets 2 sitcoins a day and for Aldo 10 sitcoins. Now I take him for a walk every morning and I don’t know what to do with the poop that occurs outside the yard. do they count? Will the security and anonymity of this cryptocurrency be threatened? We haven’t decided yet.
The public ledger will be kept in a fully secure legal pad and kept under lock and key. Or on the kitchen counter.
It’s not connected to the internet, it’s not digital, and it’s immune to hacking, power outages, geomagnetic storms, or electromagnetic pulses. People think they probably need some proof that they own the number of shtcoins they bought, so they use plastic poker chips. Embedded in these highly secure poker chips is a top-secret, invisible code that is unique to each purchaser. They are so top secret that even I don’t know what it is – if I were kidnapped and tortured they wouldn’t be able to reveal the master code behind every shtcoin poker chip .
Of course, when people start trading poker chips, real money is made on the secondary market. I predict the value will skyrocket from the issue price of $100 to well over $1,000. We encourage you to cash out your 401(k) or other savings and invest in this highly stable, green and local cryptocurrency.
I’ve decided to get another dog when I hit $500 per coin. Subscriptions to shtcoin2 will begin next summer. Don’t miss the boat.
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